December 17, 2009

I'm thinking about it...

Lately I have been feeling kind of removed. And moved. So many things seem to be happening these days that it is hard for me to get a grasp on them. I am almost like a whirlwind of polarity. Happy Sad. Scared Brave. Awake Asleep. You get the picture. 
The one thing that I do know is that I am having trouble writing these days. I find myself writing 10 or 20 posts and when my desktop gets full I delete them. 
"Well quit deleting them; there's your problem!" you're probably saying. 
And you could be right...maybe. But I think it's more than that. I think I'm starting to lose my train of thought. No really.
I've written three post for a Part 2 of a Spoon Full of Sugar and nothing is working. I've written about the Large Hadron Collider and Admiral Richard Byrd's obsession with The Hollow Earth. I've written about The Traitorous Eight and Shockley Semiconductor Laboratory. And I've written 3 posts called Crap, More Crap and Pieces of Crap. It seems like one of these should have worked.
"Quit deleting them!"
I am almost thinking about one of those twenty-things post. Almost.


ZDub said...

I think this time of year makes it hard. I feel like I have a ton of stuff to do, writing comes last.

Which is why I'm on the computer at 2:30 in the a.m. :)

Mariana Soffer said...

I got it, at least I think, I can not stop writting unlike you, I have another style, but that brings me troubles, cause I do not have time enough to work like I must.

kristine said...

quit deleting!!!! I mean really stop it now!
maybe you have only two or three thoughts that can be strung together before you move on to the next thing - so what? what's your point? if that's what's going on for you right now, because life is throwing so much at you; beauty, pain, happiness, sorrow...than accept it and write and keep it. i swear years from now you and your family will read what you wrote, no matter how 'scattered' and you will be surprised by the lucidity. Really. You may not be able to see it now, but later...yes. No deleting.
OK i'll get off my soap box.

Krëg said...

Man, I know that feeling. My one post since October managed to be blunt and unexciting. I did manage to crank out a total piece of garbage for LV's "Holiday Memories" guest post thingy, but I don't think that counts.

I haven't even been able to write songs lately, which really p!sses me off. I suppose it will switch back on when the time is right.

Keep deleting. I'd rather read a quality post that you care about than just whatever banal pap is handy. There's plenty of mundane musings and boring-lives-blogs littering the interwebs already. Don't compromise just to fill a slot.

Also, the Large Hadron Collider will be the death of us all! [panic!]
Or maybe it will just be the world's most expensive popcorn maker.

Laoch of Chicago said...

I often find that things that I want to say seem unexpressable. That the very core of things is ineffable. But in the end I try and focus on something my mother taught me long ago. It is the quest not the destination or the result that matters.

Good wishes to you and your family.

Renee said...

Dear Beaux I am sorry to hear that you are sick. More than sick, I know.

We must live in the here and now. Right now you are here and I am here. Right now is not enough and its now okay but it is all we have.

Now please stop deleting your work.

Renee xoxo

Laura Hegfield said...

Hi Beaux,
I think this happens to all of us at times...perhaps it's a combo of perfectionism, overwhelm and the fact that you are pretty darn sick. I mean seriously, give yourself a break here. When I was having trouble writing because of language issues from an MS exacerbation (still not 100% yet) I would post anyway, even though my grammar was not perfect, my syntax was screwy, my editing abysmal. I did that huge Thanksgiving Gratitude Word Quilt...not exactly a 20 things list...but still I allowed others to help me by helping themselves. I think in the blogging world it's perfectly acceptable to just ramble on at times...just get the words out...even if they are not exactly what you want to say...just send them out into the blogosphere...knowing that it is really truly perfectly perfect to be IMPERFECT...and wander from thought to thought...we can take it!

chillax as my teens might say...and allow the words...even when they seem random to flow and heal your heart and spirit.

gentle steps,


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