December 1, 2010


Normally this post would be something you'd read on my other blog, but because time and this illness have steadily moved forward, I thought I should post something here.
I have slowly moved up the list, despite that my numbers have dropped a little over the past couple of months. In two weeks I will know if any of that will change. What won't change is the illness. I feel different these days. The soreness in my muscles constantly ache. The physical aspect of it all seems rather moot really; it has been going on for so long. What bothers me is that it is difficult to write. It is hard to keep a blog when the words don't come. I can go through the motions and blather all day long, but I don't seem to be able to finish anything.
Part of my illness is that with it comes confusion. They say that it all gets better...eventually. I would love to continue writing, but for the moment I don't think that is possible, not with any regularity. Hopefully after transplant all that will change.
I have been quite fortunate over the past couple of years. I have a loving family who have kept me strong through all of this. On my good days they have shared their love and laughter, and on my bad days they have done a good job at ignoring my sour attitude and trudged along.
I have also met a lot of people who for the most part are strangers, but have shared with me their compassion and kindness. I thank you all. There is nothing better for a bruised heart and soul than a warm greeting and hello. Somehow words always lift a smile.
For now it seems unlikely that I will be doing any posting over here. I will try to keep up with the other blog and my photo blog, but even those seem to take some work.

In the meanwhile I seem to have messed up my template over here and I can't figure out how to do any editing. Blogger refuses to let me change, add or show me anything. It's a conundrum. I may have to take some drastic measures. Advice is welcome.

Wishing you all a wonderful new year.


Debra W said...

Dearest Beaux,

I am so saddened after reading this, but I do understand. I have watched you go through so much pain over the past couple of years without much relief. I am glad to hear that you are moving up the list, but sad that things have gotten to this point.

Please stay in touch and blog whenever you feel well enough, even if only to check in. You have been a good "blog friend" and I definitely want to keep up with you and Lo and the girls!

Big hugs,

Laoch of Chicago said...

Small steps my friend.

Paula said...

I'm feeling very sad now after reading this post.However I'm almost sure that in a few weeks you'll came back at least to say hello. Please be patient and think there's a lot of us here whishing you the best.
My prayers are with you and Lois and the girls too.

The Gaelic Wife said...

It's sad but something that you need to do while you take care of yourself. May you have peace and strength.

Bitter_Angel said...

If you are sturggeling to write, I know you like photography. What about taking some random pictures and perhaps posting those that best represent your week. That way, you can still keep in touch and a record, without having to find the words.

As for the layout, blogger is horrible to design around, but feel free to get in touch if I can help any. There is a site, that will create your HTML for you, and you just select things like font and background. The other way, depending on how much HTML you know, is to use one of bloggers own designs, but change the bits you want to your own.
Oh and the thing I got most stuck with, is that, uploading to photobucket, will compress your image and so you lose quality.

linda said...

i am so sorry to read this...i understand the suffering and the feelings of wanting to just stop...for a little while anyway...ALL of it to go away...blogging can feel a burden because we connect through our blogs so we must somehow get something down to communicate rather than by voice...keep with it, you can always post whatever moves you, a photo, a quote, a sigh, a tear...always you will be connecting with some who will hear you and come to your side....

as for the blogging templates, i have been fighting with these templates for some time now and can help you out perhaps, i am not sure i would not make it worse....most likely i will go back to the "layout templates" and then choose either minima or stretch minima-much easier to mess around with if you like to .... the new blogger is fun and then again, i found that i kept getting messed up so stopped MAKING it do what it would NOT do and let it just go wherever...simple and awesome are the easiest to work around but the codes? forget it...impossible. good luck, be well, take care...xx

-teri said...

I can hardly keep up with my one blog- so I think it is a fine idea to let this one slide a bit. Thinking of you - teri


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