February 9, 2009

Something Happened Somewhere Turning


When I left home I was eleven years old; almost twelve.
There were a great many things happening in my life at the time. Painful and hurtful things come to mind.
My sister had just run away from home the year before. I was struggling with the fact that I was adopted. We had moved two or three times within a couple of years. I had just been molested by a stranger in our own home. And my dad had a tendency to punish me with a belt and a pair of sandals that had a half inch of rubber tread on the bottom of them. He used to joke about the mileage he would get out of them.
I don't remember what happened to me back then. The human mind has a way with dealing with things like that. Maybe we're wired with a built in switch that turns off like a breaker switch in case there's an overload. Whatever it was...things went dark. It has only been recently now that the lights have started to come back on. My memory is still a bit hazy. Time has gotten away from me. Instead of isolating incidents with dates I narrow things down to vicinities.
There are times still now when I wake up in a pool of sweat and I whisper to myself I remember.

Nobody should have to live this way.

Later I would write things down, sad poetry and prose.
Some of my best writing came from this. It was my way of letting things out.
Years later my friends would tell me that I needed to write. Not my memories or my thoughts of them, but to really write.
Write a book they said. And so I began. But I could never do it. All I could come up with were strings of words. But soon I had lines of sentences. I started journals with nothing but sentences. After a while I had written paragraphs that I had eventually named the 'The Sentences'.
And then one day a title came to me. It was called 'Something Happened Somewhere Turning'. I was working on a story about a man who had no memory. It was a science fiction. It was about a man who was going through life constantly fighting a ghost from his past. This man was leading men into battle to fight a war that had been predicted thousands of years ago. But he didn't know why and as the story unfolds he slowly discovers who he is and why he's doing this.
It wasn't very original, but for a twenty year old it was something. It took me a long time to realize that I had been writing about myself.

Somewhere in my basement there is a box full of faded ink on scraps of paper. I don’t pull it out very often. Other than a bunch of unfinished stories there is a mix of bad memories in it.
Something Happened Somewhere Turning was my metaphor for thinking. Gears were turning. Wheels were spinning. I’s were falling into place.
My wife asked me the other day where I came up with my blog name. The truth be told, it’s been lying in my basement.

I am writing something new now and for a long time my focus has been lost. I spend too much time writing between my blogs and reading others. I know now that I will never move forward as long as I continue to do this. So I am going to take a break from posting here. I still plan to write in The Paradox Syndrome from time to time, but I will never finish what I was working on if I don’t do this.
Over the past few months I have made a lot of new friends and I hope to stay in contact with you. I still plan on reading blogs and I thank you all for being friends and hopefully I will finish what I started. Thank you all for making me feel so welcome.

--Bx

12 comments:

*mary* said...

Oh no! I really enjoy your blog and I will keep up with your other blog. I understand the need to remove distractions though.

I am sorry that you had to go through all that. It is a shame that anyone would treat a child that way.

I wish you the best and look forward to hearing more from you.

zakary said...

Holy S.

Go do what you gotta do and do keep us posted with how things are going for you guys.

I think you rock.

{{Hugs}}
Zak

Lilly's Life said...

Go do it - you really can!! All the best.

Lorrie Veasey said...

You Go, Beaux.

I will be first in line at your book signing.

Big Hug.

Lilly's Life said...

Just a quick note to say hope everything is going great. You have such a great story to tell that needs telling.

Spatula said...

You're writing a book - that's awesome! If there ever was a reason to chill out on blogging, that's a great one.

(My parents were violent freaks too. I made peace with my mom, because at she's trying and she has a psychiatric problem that causes her behaviour to be erratic. My former stepdad, however, can rot in hell.)

Anyway, write on, friend! May the Muse come over often and stay for a long time.

Lilly's Life said...

Hey hope all is going well with your writing! Best to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Beaux, I'll miss your blog, but I'm dying to have you finish your book!!!! This is good new to me. I hate leaving something in the middle. Your story is one of the few that has captured me and I think about it and how it will twist/turn/end. Your writing brings it all alive. The pieces I was lucky enough to read have left me literally panting for more. I can hardly wait. I am your biggest fan!!

Love you,
Kath

soulmoxie said...

oh no, I come back and you're on your way??

If you ever need any encouragement, I'll be right here egging you on...now go get that book done!

Gratitude Gal said...

I randomly came across this post and wanted to stop and say hello. My father beat my brother with a belt in front of me, and when I begged him to stop hurting him, he beat me too. My father was always out of control and today, 35+ years later, some of those recalls are hard to digest. (I would never call them memories....) Write your book, purge away what you need to... Best of luck and I'll look for you on the shelves of Barnes and Noble.

jenX said...

I just love the title. It's one of the most memorable I've ever come across. It really speaks to me in ways I can't fully describe in a comment. Godspeed, Beaux. People need to hear all the things you have to say because something happened somewhere turning.

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Thank you, Jen.
:-)

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