Twenty-4

(annoying mind numbing digital synthesized clock sound)

"Dammit Zoey, hurry up! I need that damn code! If we don't stop this bomb the whole eastern seaboard is going to vanish."

"Quit yelling, Zack. I'm doing all that I can. Just hold your damn horses."

"I'm sorry, Zoey, it's just this job. I've only got twenty-4 hours to stop this all and every second counts."

"Save it, Zack!" Zoey scoffs.

(uncomfortable silence)

"I'm sending you the 24-digit code now, Zack. But remember, as soon as you gain access to the hyper-chamber you only have 24 seconds to disconnect the 24 lead wires before that room starts to fill with chlorine gas."

"Is there anything else, Zoey?"

(more uncomfortable silence)

"Zack, there's something I haven't told you."

"I know, Zoey. You hope that I'm going to be okay and that we all make it through this alive."

"No, Zack. That's not what I was going to say. I was going to say that once you go into that room, then you're on your own. I won't be able to help you any more. The com will go down and you'll be on your own. And one other thing, Zack. Each of those 24 wires have to be disconnected in an exact order or the bomb will bypass all the safeguards and go off anyway."

"Dammit Zoey, when were you going to tell me all this?"

"I'm telling you now, Zack. Oh just...just never mind."

(Com goes silent)

Zack Bower quickly punches in the 24-digit code and waits for the airlock to open. He is just starting to count one-Mississippi; two-Mississippi in his head when he hears a cacophony of gunfire in the room behind him. Wasting no time, he jumps into the hyper-chamber. He quickly reaches into his duffel bag and pulled out a small screwdriver to open up a small panel that houses the 24 lead wires and then realizes that he is running out of time. "There's No Time!" he screams. Tears roll off his cheeks as he tries desperately to disconnect all the wires. No longer able to concentrate, he starts randomly tearing wires out; hoping that nothing bad will happen. Suddenly there is a high-pitched noise and a brilliant white flash...

Zack wakes up to the sound of crashing water and pure blue skies. He is lying on his back and the sun is beating down on him. He is trying to figure out where he is when he hears a voice behind him.

"Dude, are you all right?" a very very large man asks.

Zack jumps up and does a somersault and takes the very, very large man down.

"Dude, what are you doing? Quit throwing sand in my face."

"Who are you?" Zack screams.

"I'm Zurley. Dude get off of me!"

"Where am I?" Zack asks.

"You're on the Island. And we're trying to get off."

Zack turns around to see who the voice is behind him. They all hold guns in their hands. "Who are you people?"

"I'm Zate," the woman says. "That's Zohn Lock and Zayid over there, and this is Zawyer, Zun and Zin. You've met Zurley. And that's Zack."

"My name's Zack, too. Look I don't who you people are, but I've got to get off this Island. I got to go Back!"

"All in good time, Zack. All in good time." A little man says.

"Who are you?" Bower asks.

"Well, my name is Zen, and I'm driving this car."


(annoying mind numbing digital synthesized clock sound)

The Soldier

Almost 13 years ago, I stood between rows of white granite and marble gravestones that ran in perfect lines over rolling valleys. I was at Jefferson Barracks Cemetery in St. Louis, Missouri. My wife and I had just gotten married in Vegas on Memorial Day weekend and now we were there to bury my father.
I did not know my father very well. When I left home I was 11 years old and the years before that are somewhat hazy. My father had been on active duty in those earlier years. He was stationed in Fort Sill, Oklahoma, and eventually came home after he and his brother got in a car accident while he was on furlough one weekend.
When my father recovered, he still continued to work as retired military at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base in Tucson, Arizona, where we grew up. I do not know what his full detail duty was, but he always said that he was a warehouse man. Whatever his duties were, he was in charge of everything at his post and the people who worked for him admired and respected him. That was clear to us growing up as he had many friends visiting over the years.
My mom would tell me years later that he was a big shot when he was in the service. He had a Purple Heart and a Bronze Medal. He had saved lives.
The other day I found a letter from one of my dad's best friends when I was growing up. At the end there was a P.S.: "Your Dad had an influence on all who knew him for he had mastered the communications with the rank-and-file people. He was also the truest American hero if you really knew his record. Not many made it through what he did and the trips he took while serving his country."
I do not know my father in this way. He was a different man at home. Quiet and reserved — and sometimes very harsh.
I do not know why he had a Purple Heart or a Bronze Medal. I had never heard about it until he had passed away and my mother never spoke of things like this. She told Lois one day while we were standing in her bedroom and she never explained. Later she said that she would tell us about it on another day. That never happened. It is another of many unanswered questions I have.
I don't know much about my father. I know he left home when he was 16 and joined the army. He lied about his age and they accepted him into the U.S. military. It was his life and he loved it. He served in the Korean war and Viet Nam. He met my mom in Germany and married her there. When they were getting ready to catch the boat to the states my mom and dad split up to finish some last-minute things. He had to take care of some paperwork and she went and did something else. She came back and she had missed the boat. They united three months later. She joked that she never missed anything after that.
Without ever really knowing this man, I can say that he was indeed a true patriot. He was born to be a soldier and countryman. He lived his whole life this way. In this regard I had the most utmost respect for him. When my mom died in 2002 we returned to this military cemetery and her ashes were buried next to his. It was in April and we stood under an awning as it rained. My two heroes laid to rest for eternity.

.

I had to work on my anniversary yesterday and Memorial Day kind of slid right past me. If I had posted, this is what I would have said.

A Day at the Movies

When I was growing up, I absolutely loved science fiction on T.V. The first thing I ever watched was Lost in Space and Star Trek. There were other programs that I waited for every week. The Green Hornet, The Twilight Zone, Batman and The Outer Limits. There were dozens of shows that caught my eye and I looked forward to seeing them each week. Some 40 years later, nothing has changed, except perhaps for the names of the programs. Nowadays I wait for Fringe, Lost and the Terminator. And then there is the movie theater .... I love going to the movies.
Today the girls and I went to see the new Star Trek movie. As the first few minutes played out I could see where it was going. I suddenly remember Captain James T. Kirk's predecessor Captain Pike. I could remember the wheelchair. This rekindled old memories. Of course Pike would be in this movie. This was how it all started.
I wanted to laugh and cry as a wave of nostalgia washed over me. I wanted to share all the things I could remember about the story with my girls but it would have meant nothing to them. The old Star Trek episodes were nothing but old celluloid film in metal canisters. And as the movie introduced its familiar characters I smiled as I thought about the countless episodes I used to watch. I kept looking over at the girls to say something, and then I would remember. They would have no idea what I was talking about. And so I watched. Smiling, laughing, and yes...there were a couple of gulps and tears.
Thank you J.J. Abrams, boycotting Christian Bale was the smartest thing I did today.

What The ?? (Here we just give our children milk)

I was a bit confused when I saw this. And I'm pretty opened minded about a lot of stuff, but this was just kind of bizarre.













And then I saw this...

A Night at the Mansion

I always wondered if I'd get a chance to break out this photo. It's a nice photo actually. Save for the fact that Jeni looks like she's ready to fall on her haunches.

Gov. Jon M. Huntsman Jr. and his wife, Mary Kaye. Soon-to-be ambassador to China.

Sweetheart

Lois, Happy 50th Birthday!

I Love You

Square One

Today we heard from the State of Arizona. My wife got the letter when she got home from work. When she opened it up the news was disheartening to say the least. There was no record of my adoption in Maricopa County in Phoenix. We did not expect this. The thought had never crossed our minds. The letter said that we should try another county. The end. I can't believe they can't take my reissued birth certificate, which has a unique number, and look behind it to see where my life changes took place. We don't have the resources to try endless counties.

All my life I was under the impression that my adoption had taken place in Phoenix because I was born there. It never occurred to me that it might have happened in a different county. I was born in Phoenix and raised in Tucson. Pima County. Tomorrow we are going to have to get another petition notarized and send it off to another courthouse. There is one more person left that might be able to help me find some answers. I have been thinking about my dad's best friend while growing up and how to contact him. We are crossing our fingers, but we are back at square one.

Achoo...

I just pulled up our bedroom carpet and found 12 years of dust. After Lois had her sinus surgery she had one of those allergy tests done. The kind where they stick you 1,789 times with allergens. She unfortunately found out that she was allergic to everything, especially dust. She is allergic to every tree in our yard. And naturally everyone in the neighborhood put in the same trees. She is allergic to the acre of grass on our front and back lawn. And probably all the bushes. She is allergic to all our animals. And perhaps the worst thing being her beloved cat Oscar. The doctor asked her if she wanted to be treated for these allergies and she asked how much. "Well, it will cost you hundreds of dollars, as you can imagine."

And of course we could, knowing already that our insurance wouldn't cover it. So we begged off and went with the home remedy approach. We have started to fortify ourselves from dust mites by buying new allergen-free mattress covers and pillowcase liners. We will put in allergen filters in all the vents around the house. We bought an AirFree 1000 hepa air cleaner that can be moved from room to room. We will replace the carpet in our bedroom with either new carpet or tile. And I think we are probably going to be buying many more products that say they are allergy resistant, allergen free or dust proof. The doctor told Lois that unless she takes care of her allergies by eliminating the problems around the house, she will end up having the same problems she had in the first place. The polyps will return and eventually she will need surgery again. And of course, the shots would definitely help.

As I was pulling up the carpet I was thinking about this and wondering if perhaps it might not be cheaper in the long run to just pay for the shots. Or just go another route all together and just buy a bunch of these...

And the winner is

I want to thank Holly for helping me out with this contest. I'm pretty sure she was a bit confused about the whole 'look at the computer monitor while I take your picture' thing. I normally don't traumatize her like that. I usually hold her next to me and feed her. She was probably wondering why I had her flipped around and was looking at her butt. I can certainly see how that would upset her.
Because there were only a few people who entered this contest I am giving everyone the $1.00 Ganesh elephant, just because he's kind of cool. The winner gets $15.00 in folded money. Three different items. Each item will be made from a five dollar bill. Please e-mail me at beauxkyle @ comcast dot net and let me know what you would like me to fold and I will let you know if I can do it or not. I will also send you a list of things I have folded in the past. As soon as I have finished I will send them out to you wherever you want them sent. That goes for everybody in the contest that wants an elephant.
We have a video camera but I don't know jack about running a video setup for blogging have everything I need to post a video so you are just going to have to trust me on this drawing thing. Alyson is picking your name out of a bowl (drum rolls) and the winner is Krëg.

Congratulations Krëg! (Sorry, I'm pretty sure I don't know how to make anything with a cleavage.)

Interplanetary Backseat Car Rides

Ten minutes after leaving Salt Lake City on our way to Ogden this morning, I started to tune into the conversation that was happening in the back seat of the car between Jenifer and Alyson. It was actually more like a cacaphony of noise. Aly was imitating the sounds of machine gunfire and Jeni was doing this Jetsons spaceship travelling noise that sounded like BBBbbbb bub bub bub ba ba ba buh buh.
I sat there listening to the girls laughing as they dodged meteors and asteroids while they flew through whatever wormhole they were in. And then suddenly everything changed. The motion of everything in the backseat of the car had changed to sslooowww mmoottionnn.

"NNnnnooooo!" Jeni hollered in an uncanny voice simular to Arnold Schwarzenegger. "Dddooonn'tt ddooo tthaaatt. Wwee'rre ggoooiinngg ttoooo eexxpploooddde. Ttheyy'lll bbeee a
nnuuucleearrr bbllaaastt!"

"Watch out!" Aly yelled. "There's more aliens. Full speed ahead."

"Yyoouu haavvee ttooo twiisstt tthooose 3 wiiirres toogeettheer. Hhuurrryyyy!" Jeni screamed.

"I'vve ggoott iit."

More gunfire echos from the backseat and the sound of alien spacecraft flying (BBbbb bub bub bub bu bu buh buh) all around. And more Arnold screaming, "Dddooonn'tt ddooo tthaaatt."

(Don't forget to enter the Giveaway down below)

Giveaway

CaptioN tHiS

A couple of years ago when we were in Seattle we visited the Ye Olde Curiosity Shop downtown on Alaskan Way. It was a store of various oddities that featured shrunken heads, mummies and carcasses of all kinds. There were glass display counters and cases throughout the store that held hundreds of origami animals made from dollar bills. I was immediately mesmerized because I was somewhat of a coin collector and had a few bills of my own. The origami intrigued me so much that I bought a book and started teaching myself how to fold some of these shapes as soon as I left Seattle and returned home. I taught myself how to fold a dog and cat (which is extremely difficult); an elephant and pig; and the clothes which were real easy. I made up the pants myself in the post below. I hear that there is a way to fold pants but I haven't been able to find instructions for it yet. I did this for a little while until I got bored. However I always enjoyed leaving folded money for tips when we were out at restaurants or for the maids at hotels. So I was thinking I would do a cash giveaway folding some of these items I have mentioned. There are some pictures further down of some of these and I am also willing to try to fold something new. But be warned, anything new may take me a little practice to get right so it may take some time to send it out. The contest I've chosen is a Caption This photo. Enter once. Enter twice. Enter even thrice. And No, I don't make mice. But I will make this. And please tell your friends.

The winner will be announced on Monday or Tuesday. Whoever wins gets to pick what they want folded and I will let one of the girls draw your name out of a hat. Or bowl. Or something or another.

That's a Close One

Several months ago my wife was messing around with my razor. I'm not exactly sure what she was doing, but...the razor was moved. Somehow it got dropped; the lid popped off and all the innards became outtards and plopped out all over the bathroom floor. My wife gathered it up, cleaned everything and put it back together; minus one of the 3 rotary blades. Thankfully I happened to have an extra set of blades that I keep in my bathroom drawer so that I can switch blades out when I want to clean it. I asked her what happened and she said she dropped it and couldn't find the rotary blade -- anywhere. I thought to myself that that's impossible. It didn't just disappear. So of course having a lot of trouble believing that it just disappeared I spent twenty minutes tearing my bathroom apart looking for it. Only to find that my wife was right. Some how the rotary blade had disappeared.
I replaced the lost blade and that was it. End of the story.

About a month ago I was getting ready to shave when I thought I'd better clean my razor. I somehow dropped it; the innards fell out all over the floor and I might have muttered an expletive below my breath while I carefully gathered it up. As I began picking it up I was paying close attention to how many pieces I had. One of these. Two of these. One of...Hey! Where's the rotary blade? I began moving everything and basically spent twenty minutes trying to find it. And then a little voice in my head was saying, "Dude, look in the toilet bowl. Yeah that's it. Now bend down and look a little closer, under that elbow thingy. You see what you got there?"

"Oh yeah," I said. "Yeah, that's no good."

And then I reached over and flushed the toilet.

"Okay," That little voice said. "Do you see what you just did there? You just flushed a piece of metal down your drain. Titanium. A little circular do-dad with a gajillion tiny teeth on it. If that gets stuck somewhere it's going to start grabbing onto stuff. Like toilet paper and stuff. Do you see what I'm saying..."

"No. No. Noooooooo." I hollered. So I quickly flushed the toilet 13 times because hey that's a magical number. That will flush it down into the sewer. I hope.

Three Days Later

My wife and I go out to buy me a razor. And not just any razor. This razor has got to be the perfect razor. And change would be good. Let's try something different. We hit 4 stores and I am not happy. The perfect razor cost $239.00 and I am not spending that much money on something that I am going to end up replacing in 2 years or so anyways. I've never had a razor that lasted more than a couple of years. But then, I've never had a $239.00 razor either. I've always used a three rotary blade razor and been happy. Well I was looking for change so I got myself one of the two foil razors. I took it home and I plugged it in and waited for it to charge up overnight. In the morning I turned it on and I thought I had just gone to watch the Nascar races. The thing was so loud it literally scared me when I turned it on.

"I hate this!" I yelled.

Now it had been a few days since I had shaved so I was going to have to use the trimmer first. I ran the blade across my face and the trimmer seemed to work fine. Other than the fact that it shot stubble out in all directions for at least 5 feet. Kind of messy I thought. And so now the shave...

I ran the razor across my chin and I started screaming. This PS 3000 Titanium Ultra Close Special Micro Screen was literally ripping the hair right off of my face. I did this for about 14 seconds and I then had a look see. I had to finish what I had started. After spending a few minutes shaving I ran my hand over my face and chin and there were still patches of stubble all over the place. It seemed like loggers had gone in and clear cut one area and then moved on to another. I ran the razor for another 5 minutes and I still had hair on my face. So I went back and plucked it out with tweezers. After I was done I looked in the mirror and I had tiny little red spots on my chin. They were blood spots from my hair being yanked out at the roots.

One Month Later

Last night Lois brought me home a new razor. It is a floating rotary brand that she picked up for $40.00 and it had been on sale at half price. Regularly $80.00 and something.

Goodbye you piece of junk PS 3000. I've got the...the...the...

The PS 3001 Titanium Ultra Close Rotary Micro Screen. Your brother.

I am waiting for it to charge right now.

Contest Giveaway

Now that May is upon us I was thinking about everything I need to do within the next couple of weeks. I use to dread the month of May for three reasons. It was not because of Mother's Day, or Lois' birthday or our wedding anniversary. It was the fact that they all followed each other from one week to another. The gift shopping was pleasant enough, but I always found that I was trying to outdo myself when it came to gifts. After thirteen years it has come to be a little difficult. Looking back I realize that all the money I've spent over the years could have been handled a little differently. The other day Lois pointed out that I had spent a significant amount of money on flowers over the years. I was quite shocked to hear just how much when she rounded it off. Years ago I told her I would always buy her flowers, but then we kind of slipped into this recession thing. I will still buy her flowers; just not as often.
I like the month of May these days. And even though I get a little tense trying to figure out what I am going to do from one week to another, I find that it really doesn't matter so much. It's all about the heart. This year I'm not going to make any big plans, I'm just going to wing it. That is why I've decided to have a cash giveaway. That's right. A CASH GIVEAWAY! But don't get too excited, this isn't some bail out.
I am planning to do this within the next week or so. I am hoping to have the contest on friday and I will try to pick the winner on Monday. So please stay tuned and drop back by.

Because I have a lot of things I am trying to get done I am never going to have time to write the post I wanted to write. Sorry Mary and Alyson and Jenifer and Lois and Oprah Instead I am shirking that duty so that you can read this post from Kristine over at Spontaneous Delight. I caught this a few a days ago and I asked her if I could share it with everyone since Mother's Day was quickly approaching. Go check it out.